here i am with flowers beginning my entry again.

and you know what flowers mean... a performance. (:

yes, Blaze was just over on Saturday, 31st May.

(and by the way, in case you were wondering, not all those flowers are mine! in fact the bulk of them are jenna's cuz she had IJ Dance night on the same night)

and i have learned a few things:

1) Always learn your steps through your body and your muscles, not by your head. they are the ones doing them anyway.

2) There is no such thing as marking steps. Always do full-out because a half-baked run equates to a half-baked performance.

3) Always look out for one another. Be it for blocking, steps sequencing, timing, or even the angle of our arms or the direction our fist is facing, always ensure that you and your teammates are doing the same things at the same time, and in the right places at the right positions. Help each other out. If reminding each other on stage while performing is what it takes, it must be done.

and here are two other things i personally found most important to me:

4) Never stop the fight. Never give up. Never stand still and allow yourself to be overcome by fear. Trust yourself, your body, your muscles, the steps are recorded in them so that even if your head fails, your body will know what to do next. if someone stares, fight the urge to blank and be reduced to jelly--especially if it's new steps you've just learnt. Fight it--and do them with all your heart.

5) Everyone who dances together is a team. A family. Be there for one another. If you see people who feel like giving up, on the verge of tears, lend a hand or a listening ear. pull them up, hear their stress, frustrations and pain. If you can, empathise with them, encourage them. A team is only as strong as its weakest link, so everyone should move up together. Keep your focus and mindset always on the show, never simply on yourself.

and i think after everything, those are the five most important things i have gained from this first dance production that I have ever participated in.

yes the memories will stay. the people--
the j1 juniors (those that i have met before and have been reunited with again and those that i haven't and have just gotten to know, those that I have taught ballet steps to [you know who you are haha], and the silly but cute, funny and friendly boys),

the j2 juniors (some of whom i've known from SYF and others whom i'll perhaps know either by face or by name. Yi Ting--from teaching you chaines over and over and over again for SYF last year when you were so worried about them, you've come such a long way and i can see that you're still as determined as ever. Keep it up, you've a spirit that I always will strive to achieve. Deborah--i somehow saw a part of myself in you that day, and i'm extremely proud of you for being able to rise up to the challenge and conquer your fear. well done dear. (: ),

the j3 juniors (some old, some not-so-old but i'm glad that i've gotten to know all of you better. Nicole, i've seen you grow so rapidly from rhythmic gym and ballet in secondary school, and til now it amazes me to see the brilliant and strong dancer that you are.. nonetheless i can see that you'll grow even stronger and more quickly after this as well--with that hardworking mindset and humble attitude, you will truly go far. Andrea--you've changed, definitely. but you've still got that same fiery passion for dance that we've always sworn to have since the RG days. and i think that's really great. =) your sharpness still astounds me and it was really great dancing with you again. (: Pooty--no one has words to describe the dancer that you are. your style, your hits, your attitude, every fibre of your being glows with your passion, experience and professionalism. everyone is simply in awe of your dancing, and til the 31st i still felt that you had the best emotion in the SYF item. i remember discussing it with you during the SYF days, and i'm so glad that you saw what I did. it's been an honour to dance with you. Rachel--of course you're our hero. many parts of this night wouldn't have been possible without you. all those all-nighters you pulled, all the meals you skipped (even though you're already so skinny!), all the pain in your knee that you've suffered from dancing--never produced a complaint from you at all. You're the Stoic of our year, most definitely, and all these immense sacrifices you've made simply reflects your passion and drive to make this happen... and it's inspiring to see the lengths you're willing to go to for dance. and i'm sure i speak for everyone when i say that you really are an inspiration to all of us.. thank you. of course, though, all of the j3s have wowed me no end--with their speed of picking up choreography (i always found myself asking them for help or to go through steps together), and their boundless energy (in being in so many dances and remembering so many sets of choreos in their heads! it's crazy!), I have definitely learned a million and two things from them.

my favourite (and only) clown picture! since i doubt the juniors will be able to track me down and send me that picture we took before the show..

ah yes, my fellow j4s. it's been a really fascinating journey and i'm glad we were all here for one another--covering for each other and teaching each other when someone was not there for practice to learn the steps. gloria, i'm glad i got to know you better. nessie, i'm very glad we got closer through this--fellow clowns forever! wahaha. i still have my nose btw :p elena, your designs and artwork never fail to impress everyone--well done on the programme dear (: thank you so much for contributing your great talent to cj dance--even though the t-shirts incident was not your fault! haha. glad i talked to you a bit more too =) and to you three, tash and luke, thank you for being there for me when i needed people to be there for me most. to be my strength when i was at my weakest. freda, thanks for the entertaining bus rides when we took them together! =) and charly, for all our failed online conversations, thanks for subtly being there. I know you always are and will be. mel, you did well in the syf item definitely, and i guess i always knew that you somehow belonged there with them--just seemed right. thank you for your leadership and strength for all of us, you are and will always be a great dancer to all of us, myself included.

j5s! it was definitely an experience dancing with you few--i've learned stuff definitely from you guys, and i've grown alot stronger in terms of mental will and endurance, so thank you for that. Cass, thanks for being there for me as well. i do remember, btw. =)

and to ryan and eugene (who will both never see this), thank you for your awakening words. you guys are the reason i wasn't "killed very badly" on saturday, heh. i think you two have contributed to the growth of hundreds of people, and you should pat yourselves on the shoulders for just a moment before going on yeah (:

okay anyway apart from all of that. blaze, a fairly small-scale performance for me personally, having minor roles and behind-blocking, but i was still very happy to be dancing again. a few of my closest guy and girl-friends attended (thank you bren, jo and joyce), and my dad was there too, even though his two friends PSed him and he ended up sitting alone :/ i will never forget that he bought me 2 tau sar piahs after the show =D that was the most touching thing i'll remember from it all i think. =) bumped into a few other classmates and guys from cj whom i knew also, and it was nice talking to them for awhile.

but most of all, thank you for being there, eug. you ended up sitting alone most of the time but you still brought a big white bouquet with my favourite lily inside, and you waited so long for me after the performance, carrying my stuff around, and you sacrificed your time with your class for me because i, ahem, took too long in the toilet. heh. sorry about that, but thank you so much.

okay now it's full-speed ahead for CC2 camp, yikes it's 11:29 and i was supposed to go into the resource room earlier shucks.